The Gift

It's been a little while since I sat down to talk to you all about the latest happenings in my life or poke fun at someone. You need to understand that I have it pretty easy most of the time, in that I don't have a "Real Job" some might say. The perks to being self employed are that you get to work from home and also that when things are going well I get to sit at home and simply peck on the ol' computer while I "eat Cheetos and play video games like a 12 year old Asian boy sitting in a bean bag chair". At least that's what Scott would say. And there were times that this was exactly what I was doing (minus the bean bag chair simply because I don't own one).

Those of you that know me likely knew my good friend Scott Needham. Scott died in his sleep on Tuesday April the 12th. Scott's death was what I want to call unfair. Very unexpected. I never really stop to think about my peers not being around very long until shit like this happens. But in the last few days, after some reflections on our days and years together, and after meeting the shit loads of friends that he had, and after some soul searching of my own...I have come to realize that Scott left me a gift. A gift of what can only be described as 'enlightenment'. You see, it started when I had an old friend send me a text Tuesday night saying he was sorry. I hadn't heard from him in quite some time because he decided that since I was friends with his ex on facebook, he couldn't remain mine. This was absolutely asinine and pissed me off. I liked the guy. I liked his girlfriend. I guess my downfall was that I also liked his ex wife. I believe that if there is a reason you don't want to be my friend 'anymore', then you were really never my friend in the first place (my assumption). I replied with a smart ass "Well looky there...Why now?". Assuming that maybe he had realized that his maneuver was truly uncalled for and that he was missing his ol' drinkin' buddy Curtis. I really wish that had been the case. Instead I get the news.

The news of Scotty dying from my old friend was very shocking and I didn't really believe it was real for awhile. As the night went on and I watched the memories from his friends fold out on his facebook page. It was real. He was gone. I couldn't get back that last chance to coax him into coming out on a Tuesday afternoon and tying one on with me. I flipped through my phone reading the last few texts from him that I didn't have to delete in fear of my kids running across them. I chuckled in silence with the tears coming up when I realized that I wouldn't get that late night text from him on a Thursday night calling me out as a "cock eyed Guinea wop" and questioning me as to why I had him on my "pay me no mind list". I could go on and on with the vulgar shit he would send me, but that's not the story.

The night came and went. I got up and went on about my business of running the standard morning rituals of packing lunches and dropping the kids off while the whole time hovering in a fog of disbelief. I put on the gym clothes in an effort to keep up with this dumb ass diet I've been on. I check the list of ever growing memoriam on Scott's page in search of a giggle or even a smile from one of the stories. By the looks of the posts, it was just now spreading and the amount of people out there just now hearing the news was staggering. This was going to be a really bad day for the list of hundreds of friends that would be getting the bad news. I get to the gym and plug in the head phones and dial in the old Hard Rock streaming radio to find some head banging shit to get my mind off of it while I punish myself for being a fat ass. I get to running up hill on the elliptical ass kicker and the time is flying by. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 50...and the next thing I know I've reached my 60 minute marker. I should have been tired. I should have wanted to quit at the 40 minute mark, but it wasn't taking much effort. The hurt wasn't bad. The breathing was easy. Literally too easy. I continued to run amazed at how every breath was so easy to come by.

The afternoon sat in and I started wondering about the legal battles I'm facing and what my next moves should be. It's a daily part of my week. Has been since the craziest bitch in NWA decided to try and screw with me and my life. As I thought about it, I started to think about what the worst that could happen might be. I'm in the right, I know it, but that doesn't change the fact that there is nothing out there that can legally prevent some douche bag from suing you if they want to. If she wants to continue to try and make me miserable then let her try. It's out of my control. Why should any of this bother me. After all, Scotty would be happy to be here to deal with such trivial shit now, wouldn't he. I started thinking about him at that moment. I wonder what the worst thing was that he had to deal with on that previous Monday. I wondered how trivial those things may have been. Not his dad's health of course, but the penny Annie shit that the general guy has to deal with. How small does that seem now? Did he talk to his kids that day? There's the gift that Scotty left me.

Scott Needham - 1975 - 2011

I really am happy that I have what I have in my life. Good or bad. I constantly hate on people for the choices they make. I yell at the kids for being kids. I bitch about money. I worry about the future. Looking now, I'm in the wrong. I don't want that to consume the remaining days I have left. I want each and every day to just...be. Every breath. Every smile from my daughters. Every conversation with my sister. Every chore I do with my dad. Every meal with my mom. Every holiday with my grandmothers. And every night and day with my wife. I want it all. Good or bad. Scott gave me that. Scott gave me a gift when he left. A gift of remembering whats important. I know it may be temporary as the weeks and months go on. But from now on, when I stop and remember Scotty, I promise you this, I will stop and think about whats truly important. And that's to remember that you and I are not guaranteed tomorrow or even the rest of today. So every...little...thing...will be a blessing.

Stop and really look at your kids today. Or call your mom. Tell them you love them more than the air you breath so they know without a doubt. Thanks Scott. Love you brother.

Peace. Love. Prayers.

J.C