Is This You?

I really try. Sometimes I try real hard to keep myself in check. Matter of fact, my New years resolution this year was to talk less. I know what your thinking. "Jason? Talk less?". But yes. This is a goal of mine because I have a problem with making situations worse or even creating new problems by opening my mouth and speaking my mind or simply by not knowing when to shut up.  Well...sometimes it's just not gonna happen.

I've complained before about the major orchestration of attempting to get my little one to her school in the mornings. Thanks to the wonderful school board I have the privilege of having Em to school and in her seat by 7:30am. So in order to get to this achievement I have a VERY strict schedule that Tracy and I have to follow in order to assure that she gets there properly dressed, fed and cute as can be. Deviations from this schedule have a really big impact that the whole house feels.

I wish that I could say that we have a six year old that is capable of getting herself up, brushing her own teeth, feeding herself, picking out her own clothes and getting the ol' lunchbox ready and in the backpack, but that's not the case yet. As of now this is my routine:

6:00am - Alarm goes off
6:00am - I press snooze
6:09am - Alarm goes off again
6:13am - Drain the main vain
6:15am - I let the dog out
6:16am - I grab Em and carry her downstairs asleep
6:17am - Turn on Spongebob and attempt to get Em to open her eyes.
6:19am - Let the dog in and wipe her off because the bitch loves to dig holes when it rains
6:20am - Make first cup of coffee and sit to watch an episode of Spongebob while pestering Em into waking up
6:30am - Begin making the lunchbox norm PB&J, Pringles, Hi C juice box and Jello
6:38am - Pour bowl of cereal and call out for Em to come and partake
6:39am - Place lunch items into the lunch box with the spoon and napkin

Crammed full of nutrition!

6:40am - Threaten to eat the bowl of Cookie Crisp myself if she doesn't come to the table
6:41am - Turn on Spongebob in the sitting room (because we have a TV in every corner)
6:42am - Begin making Fake slurping and "mmmm" sounds to get Em to the table before I actually pour the milk
6:43am - Holler at Tracy to rise and gather the days outfit
6:45am - Place homework and lunchbox in backpack and remove items that have been secretly placed inside with hopes that she will possibly make it to class with the pack of candy
6:50am - Throw on some jeans, a hat and slip into my crocks
6:55am - Finish cup of coffee and watch the last few minutes of Spongebob while attempting to coax Em into dressing herself
7:00am - Start the car
7:01am - Brush away Em's cavity bugs
7:05am - Begin dressing and brushing the squirming little turd while listening to all three reason of why she needs to stay home
7:10am - Get Em to hug her Moms neck and head out the door
7:11am - Search for a Ke$ha or Katie Perry song that doesn't have the words "shit" or "sex" in them
7:12am - Settle for edited version of Bruno Mars
7:19am - Reach the back of a VERY LONG LINE of parents waiting to drop off the kiddos
7:24am - Finally reach the turn into the "drop zone"

OK. I'm sure you get the point now, but this is where the shit hits the fan. By this time I have carefully put together a precisely timed chain of events that places my daughter in her chair, in her classroom...RIGHT ON TIME. I have my moments though. I'm not above the "oh shit I over slept" issue every once in awhile. When it happens, we deal with it. We shave off whatever morning moments we have to to get back on track. However I DO NOT...  come over to your house and ask you to get my child ready because I'm late. I don't ask you to her backpack ready for me because I want extra "me time" this morning.

You see, there are some shitheads in the world that don't really care about what I go through in the mornings. They care less that I drag my ass around and fight the fight every morning to make sure that I don get to the car line 3 minutes late and see that its 2 miles long and that my baby girl will have to run to make it to class before the bell rings. If that happens because I screw up, then we live with it and make adjustments in my ritual to ensure that it don't happen again.  But some people just don't have respect for me (or you).

Every morning I reach the finish line of the fore mentioned drop zone and there is ALWAYS that son of a bitch that is cutting in line. Literally skipping the five or six minute wait that the rest of us deal with and cutting in right at the drop zone by going around the back way. EVERY...DAY. Well, this morning I had enough.

I resist rolling down my window and singing my rage to them or actually stopping my car and approaching them to speak to them about my anger with their case of Dipshititis in effort not to upset the virgin ears in the back seat. So I refuse to let this guy cut, cap my rage and wish Em a great day and wave. Once she clears the door and I round the corner safely away from miniature pedestrians and begin hunting for the Shitbag that purposely screws you and I to save 5 or 6 of his time because he hit snooze one too many times. I find him and get this picture:



Is this you?


I actually took two in case you couldn't read the plate in the first one. If you know this guy, PLEASE...give him an OHS for me and when he gets pissed, give him my contact information and let him know that I'm super excited to meet with him.

This isn't the only person. Not by a long shot. Every morning there is a douchbag waiting in the same spot in an attempt to shove your kid out of the line so that they can get to there Venti Coffee stop faster. If you know one of these people, tell them I said hi and that I'll be watching. I think that I will start a website dedicated to Scumbags and place their mugs on it for the whole world to hate. Kind like this guy.

I...HATE...PEOPLE...THAT...CUT...IN LINE!

J.C.