This was a topic that the wifey and I discussed over a brief lunch together. There’s really no way to tell you the REAL story because of the ramifications that would be sure to follow. This isn’t because of me, surely you understand by now that I could give a shit less especially in this case. It all boils down to where my loyalties lie, and the differences between men and women.
You see, I believe women have a problem with drawing lines in their friendships. I should say, at least I think my wife does anyway. She wants to be friends with everyone. I try and explain that this doesn’t work, and naturally “I’m wrong” she would be quick to state. I say that there are four levels to Loyalty:
1) Family
2) Friendship
3) Civility
4) Screw off if you don’t like it
My wife (I think) believes it to be more like this:
1) Family
2) Friendship
3) Friendly
That creates a problem with the fact that I just plainly, don’t like some folks. I’m not saying that I “hate” these people; I just don’t “like” them, this of course meaning that I have zero interest in being their friends. I may be civil, but when you fall into that category, civility has to be on MY terms, not yours. And of course, if they don’t like that option, they find themselves in the D category of loyalties.
In the last five years or so, I’ve met a lot of people that I actually like! Maybe I have started to see the good in people. Maybe it’s that people are seeing the good in me…either way. There are a lot of truly interesting people to meet if you can manage to get past some ‘issues’ they may have. Tracy and I have been meeting a lot of people here and there and it’s refreshing to hear new stories, even when its ‘friends of friends’ that we meet for the first time. Funniest thing to come from this is when my wife and one of her gossip buddies get together and decide that their husbands should be friends because they have SO MUCH in common (this means we both like to drink beer and watch sports). So I think it usually goes like this:
Friend says “OMG! Your husband is SO MUCH like my husband Richard.” So my wife replies with “I know! It’s crazy how much those two are alike! We really should get them together so that we can go and do what we want all the time, and they can do all that ‘guy stuff’!”
So what happens from there? They introduce us…out of the blue.
The other wife drags a guy over like he’s a six year old and says “Richard! I want you to meet Jason. Tracy and I think you two have a lot in common and would get along great!”
The women say nothing more and begin staring at us…the guy looks at me expressionless…I look at the guy…awkward moment follows. I mean, what the hell do you women think is going to happen at this moment? It’s as if you expect us to grab hands and run off giggling to the sand box. If you’re a guy, you’ve likely been in this situation. It never works out in this scenario. You should know by now that you have to set the “mood” if you want us to hit it off. Introduce us at a bar without any of our other buddies there…while a game is on. Trust me! If it’s gonna happen, this maneuver will work.
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| Is that a Pig on your head? |
Regardless of how we may meet our friends, I still place them into categories. And as I mentioned, my wife doesn’t. She wants them all to be friends for reasoning that I believe to be is to get in on ALL the gossip. I’m not interested. I only want one side of the story from my friends. Why? Well let me tell ya! It’s because if you allow yourself to be friends with everyone, eventually you will find yourself listening to someone hating on another one of your friends and you then hear the ‘other side’ of the so called story. What do you do with this information? You have to decide. You can’t play for both teams. You have to decide who to believe. This is exactly why we pick who we want to ‘keep’ when our friends break up with each other. We take sides. That way we get to still hang out with the one we like better. True story.
When you hear both sides to a story, all you have is just that. A ‘story’. I don’t give a shit what my friend is doing wrong, as long as he isn’t diddling my friends wife or a danger to my kids. Everyone has some type of issues. You may say that some suck at their jobs. Some are lazy. Some are addicted to drinking. Some don’t pay their bills. Some are rude. Some have bad parenting skills and some may just be a waste of oxygen…to you! If they are MY friends, then they are still my friends even after you try and point that out. Why? Because I’m sure there are people out there that have stories to tell about me that are less than flattering. Some may be true and some may not. If my friends hear it and confront me for the story, I expect them to hear my side and believe it BECAUSE THEY ARE MY FRIENDS. Long story short, don’t try and play ball in the same division.
Let’s say that you meet me for the first time and I forget to show you some civility at that moment. Don’t (I really need the f-bomb here) whine about it for Christ’s sake. At that moment, I’m not you’re “A” or your “B”! If I were, you wouldn’t be passing judgment on me. After all, you don’t know me! I may have had a bad day. Maybe I’m pissy because I smashed my thumb. Maybe my dog died. Maybe I would rather be off drinking beer with MY A’s and B’s at the moment. You don’t know! And in turn, I…wouldn’t know! That is if you didn’t try and bitch to one of my friends or wife about MY attitude. You wanna see bad attitude? Confront me right then and there and we’ll see which category you fit it. I may apologize, I may explain, or I may just kick you in the nuts.
What I am trying to get at is this; my loyalties lie with my family and friends first and foremost. It doesn’t take a hell of a lot to be my friend either. I’m a fairly fun loving guy. If you have issue with me, I am very sorry but I’m not going to lose sleep over it. If I come off hateful or mean, you likely deserve it. If I seem quiet or like I‘m ignoring you, you should talk to me and I’ll explain why I’m not quite myself. Oh wait…that’s what friends do. I almost forgot.
Peace – Love – Friendship
J.C.
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