Go The F**k To Sleep

Where have I been you ask? Well I was spending time with a few members of The Wreath this weekend and we all got lucky enough to get together, eat some steak, drank on some cold barley pops and gossip about the things we love and the people we strongly dislike. Great times as usual. While laughing and carrying on, we all sat around and confirmed the induction of "Chef" and "Master Chef" into our twisted up wreath. Also to officially grant the Wreath name to "Aunt Cheetle". And from there all seemed well with the world again. We filled our bellies, shared a laugh, hugged each other and went on our way back to our respective corners

 - Exclusive Sneak Peek -
(Yes..That's a little person I appear to be
preparing for a pile driver)

Now, the Chef and her husband Master Chef were a must include simply for the fact that we love their kids and they have become really close to the entire wreath through our kids huge dance company. Not to mention she hilariously begs me to let her into the inner workings of our seriously jacked up family all the time. She actually wants this...!?!? But either way, as if it were an honor, they had to immediately be added to our messy, jacked up, bushy wreath. Not to mention that simply put, ANY man that goes toe to toe with me on beers at a Luchedorian style Mexican wrestling restaurant in Tulsa is golden in my book. Lets consider them "just good people". Now, I know that most of you crazy ass dance moms that follow my blog are really looking forward to the upcoming (sure to be a two part) story on the Dance Dad's Night Out, but until I get some waivers signed stating I wont get my ass whooped, I'll leave the "Me + Master Chef + Driver + Doc + Female Mexican Wrestling" story for a later date. I'm still laughing over that one. And by the way, we will be making this a Tulsa standard from here on out.

Cheetle

Ahhh... Aunt Cheetle.  Gotta love Aunt Cheetle. Everyone does. She has been in the wreath for quite some time, we just never made it around to confirming her induction because my ass has been a little delayed in updating you all. You see, Aunt Cheetle got her name because she informed me one day of the fact that there is a name for that cheesy dust that sticks to your fingers while eating Cheetos. It's Cheetle. She is the only person on the planet I have ever met that has to remove said Cheetle with a wet nap because the sheer thought, much less sound of someone sucking the golden goodness off their fingers makes her cringe as if it were nails on a chalk board. Funny stuff! I of course make sure to suck my fingers every time shes around simply to show my love.

Well, anyway, Chef asked me to send her the link to my blog last night and so I looked it up and shot it over to her. It immediately led to my wife and I reading through a few of my posts from the last year or so and getting some giggles. It really made me miss taking the time to share the things that make me out to be a fool and laugh with everyone. It reminded me of earlier that day I was up at a local establishment and my buddy Chevy pulled me into his office and showed me a video that had me in tears to the point I had to gather myself and wipe away the tears before I walked out to avoid looking like a kid leaving the principles office after getting my ass paddled. Which led to this.

Most of us have had the joy of raising children. We get to see them born, watch them grow and move towards being adults, and wish that time would slow down. BUT.. There are those moments that we all share. Those nights when the little one refuses to go to sleep. A long day has come and gone and the night comes around and all you want is to unwind on the couch and watch a little boob tube with your significant other. But first you have to give a bath, do the homework, brush the hair, the teeth and maybe even be talked into the good ol' bedtime story.

Now I know that there are several of you out there that are great with "those episodes" our kids have. Especially some of you moms. I've been witness to some people that have apparently been touched by God himself to be given the great gift of patience. For the record, your freaks. I, however, am not one of those that have been awarded said patience. And most everyone else is obviously just like me when it comes to being tired beyond words and every last drop of energy is gone, but you have that last task of getting the little one down before you can rest your old ass on the couch for an hour or so. My mom, sister, dad, wife...all got tired of putting up with the same shit every.damn.night. I honestly think we all do at some point or another.

I thought about posting this on Facebook and then I got to thinking that it just may really make some of my more conservative "friends" a little pissy and thus cause my friends number to drop. Lord knows I can't have that.. So I decided this was likely the best option to share. When I watched (rather, listened) to this video I immediately realized that if we could use the f-bomb freely, we would use it just like this. I find it over the top funny, yet very horrible at the same time to know exactly what  it's like to feel this way. I must warn you, although you acknowledged when you signed onto this blog, this is not for little ears and if your easily offended...well watch it anyway and send me some good hate mail. If you don't laugh at this your on the wrong blog.
                                       DO NOT WATCH THIS - IT'S VERY OFFENSIVE

Now tell me you haven't felt like this is the actual story you felt like reading a time or two.
Now Go The Fuck To Sleep!

Peace. Love. Cold beer.

J.C.